Time for new detergent

It's 7:20 a.m. I am waiting for my coffee to brew and already so many things are flying through my mind. I thought that I would have heard something from the Lord but still I am waiting for answers to some very intense questions.. perhaps extremely valuable in my economy and only slightly valuable in His.. I mean isn't it funny what we strive to hear about in our lives.. do I do this or do that?, do I go here or do I go there?,and then when at our wits end.. Do I even hear You?!
I keep asking Him about this next step... and really all I hear is Him beckoning me to His presence.. and I hope that you hear the sarcasm in my voice because hearing the Lord beckoning me to be in His presence is a pretty big deal.. but I am like Kieva who, at times, only has one thing on his mind and if that is not addressed at the moment then watch out for the tantrum that is about to ensue. He will repeat his question over and over until given an answer.. even if he is sent to time out he will keep on repeating the same question.( Sigh) Until this moment I have been blaming the Irish side!!
So here I am trying to listen.. trying to hear.. trying to understand..
Waititng for the so important answers.. while He is trying to tell me the MOST important things.
I see myself longing to jump from one mountain top to another.. But I know that I would miss the green in the valley, the streams in the pastures, even the sweat trickeling down my face as I round the corner on the uphill walk to the top. And I would miss that indescribable moment when one takes that last step and looks up and around... only to be surrounded by the beauty and the vastness of God's faithfulness.

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Maria Daughtry

37th load of coloured milemarkers

Milemarkers in life.

That's what birthdays are to me.

Every year I instinctively look back at where I was a year ago and what has happened.. or should I say what I have accomplished and have not accomplished. For me it is more significant than New Years.

So this year..

I must admit that this year has been one of the hardest in my adult life. It started last year at this time that I heard the Lord ask me to put full time ministry down and place full time family up.. I cried alot last November and December. Wondering what to do with my time.. with my baby.. with my husband. I couldn't believe that most of my conversations were about feeding philosophies, diaper rash, and how to entertain my toddler( while educating him).

I mean a year previous was all about going to this country and that country. . the mighty hand of God.. the meaning of true intercession.. discipling young minds etc. I look back and believe that I was in MAJOR culture shock.. just where the Lord wanted me to be.

I started looking through old "words" that I had recieved over the years and one said that the Lord was going to take me through a time of "seclusion". WOAH the time had come and I spent ALOT of time talking to the Lord.

Then in January I began running the staff girls growth group here at YWAM and having one on one's with them. It was like a breath of fresh air but still so different then leading schools.. or galavanting everywhere.

I spent even more time with the Lord. More time with Dempsey and more time with Kieva.

Then this fall was another new start. going from about 15 girls in the growth group to 4. Some changed roles on the base and now were in another growth group.. some on outreach.. and then we seperated younger and older staff.
Something else happened this year... I began to understand family more.. significance in the mundane.. gems in the daily moments of puzzle and block playing.
I also began to understand the significance of how God has made me. I am surrounded by crafting,baking, home schooling Diva's .. and I only say that in the best sense of the word. They truly are "Good Housekeeping" mom's. .. and then there is me..
I can cook.. so we don't starve. I can make a card if I would just sit down and do it.. and bake.. well I've done decent things with every boxed cake or brownie I've tried.. but at home Diva.. um.. NO
I realized that all of that makes awesome mom's but that I have other things to offer. As I work on all of those things to improve our life I also must stay true to the other calling on my life as well. I love to disciple.. I love to speak.. I love to learn.. and I know that when I am involved in those things I am so much more fun at my house.



But here's the craziest thing.. one year has gone by.. and I am not only still breathing but am more intimate with the Lord.. more assured of HIS steadfastness.. and more assured that only HE can fulfill us in the depths.

So I know that in this 37th year of life I start richer, spiritually, and mentally.. more assurred of who I am and who HE is..and more hopeful in Him and all that He can do then ever before. How great and gracious is our Lord.

First load of mixed matched socks

Sitting here with a cup of tea, wondering where the day has gone. Kieva is sleeping, Dempsey is still on his way home from work, and all I can hear is the rhythem of my fingers hitting the key board. Wait... I can actually hear myself thinking.
Amazing.

If we had a bathtub it would be CALGON tonight.

Wondering if all moms go through this thing.

Everyday I tell myself to cherish this time, I'll never have it again... my son is two and must have read the toddler books. He is a classic case. Lovable and yet oh so crazy. One minute shy and hiding behind me and the next flailing himself unashamedly across the floor. ( sigh) I always hoped I would be the mom who had the kid that would obey "oin the spot" but then I think about who I am and realize, that's asking for a MIRACLE.

How do I prioritize?! Time with Kieva, time with the hubby, time for myself, time with the Lord. I am sure someone has figured this out. What comes first; Marriage, Ministry, Maintaining the house, Motivating others toward the Lord, Motivating myself toward Him, Maximizing this time with my son.. I mean come on.

And then there are the questions, is it time for daycare? Is it time for me to do SOMETHING?!

I mean, I am doing some cool stuff...

I am leading a girls growth group for the staff. I also have the privilage of meeting with them one on one and hearing their hearts. I LOVE it!

I also help to lead a womans bible study at my church and that is so fun. Totally different from YWAM and so good in the mix.

Yet I am still wondering when I will be able to add traveling and teaching to the list. I wait impatiently for the Lord to "open the doors". I listen for the creaking of the knobs or hinges as the flood gates push forward. My greatest hearts desire is to stir the Body of Christ to RISE UP and be all that she is called to be. I dream of teaching or preaching; propetically praying for others, seeing wounds of the heart healed and dealt with, and overall loving the body of Christ in this way. I wonder is this too far fetched.. and yet I believe the Lord will not allow me to shelve this dream... so I watch and listen and wait.

Anyone out there looking for a God-fearing, mexiCAN, prophetically gifted lover of Christ, to come and stir it up?! Well if you are, let me know, I think I just might know someone who fits the bill.