The garden of evil....

I am constantly intrigued by our humanity. Especially those of us who follow Christ. We are broken people who have the truth written before us.. statutes, principles, understandings.. and much of the time we dont follow those. Though we have given our life to Jesus we have a hard time trusting Him.
Trusting that a soft answer turns away wrath.. trusting that though we experience sadness, lonliness, or anxst in this world that He is good. Trusting that the best the way is to forgive and allow the restoration of Christ to heal our hearts.. instead we harbor bitterness or frustration at how things should be or should have been...
Today we go and see Holly's attacker.. in prison. The last time we saw him he was hugging family members as he was getting ready to begin serving his 8 year sentence. There was no gratification in his sentence.. just more pain that he chose actions.. that he was compulsed in such a way that has changed all our lives.. forever.
I remember him smiling on the stand.. saying he was a good samaritan that was only trying to "help" Holly.. that he was misunderstood.. that he was a good "normal" guy.. He laughed everyday of the trial with his girlfriend.. and I think that he thought and perhaps still thinks that he is normal and that he is a victim.
So now here is my heart.. so angry that he could do this.. so upset that there has been no remorse... so upset to see my best friend go through these things.. and yet I cannot turn away from the still small voice that says "forgive"
I know that forgiving someone does not mean that we sweeo what they have done under the carpet but instead that we see the horrendous debt that they have caused and that we lay that debt at God's feet and we say "take this and carry this burden" that we say they have no debt towrd us.. and the promise is that when we do that we will be restored... do I believe the promise.. I think on tuesdays and thrusdays.. but the rest of the week is a battle..
Do I desire God's restoration more then carrying the shield of bitterness and anger and anxst? I pray that I choose the Truth that has been set out before me.. I pray that the Lord can conovince me that HIs way is best.. I pray...