Leaving on a jet plane....

Kieva and his friends at the zoo.

Saying more goodbye's then the average joe is one of the hardest things about YWAM life. We woke up at 5 :30 this morning so we could say our farewells to our friends The McDonalds. Thay are long term missionaries in Kyrgystan  who were taking a year stateside for rest, reflection, and overall rejuvination. What a blessing they have been to us and to the base. We will miss Jim's insights and wry sense of humor and will miss Melissa's strategic mind and genuine heart for people. We will miss Shawn , Isaac, and Aisha. All of their energy, joy and laughter.

Our loss is Kyrgystan's gain. Melissa saw the need when she 19 and moved their on her own. Jim  met her while on his DTS outreach and decided to go back for the ministry and for her. Now 10 years later they will continue to live full time in a place where there is much despair and not much hope. They sacrifice their  daily comforts for the people wo seek true internal comfort.  They will contniue to grow the Greenhouse.. a ministry to the college age and expanding it to the homeless. I encourage anyone reading this blog to consider taking some time to research Kyrgystan and asking the Lord if there is a place for you there.. long or short term. We have so much to give and so little time to give it.

One of the many plus's of YWAM life is that we have friends all over world. This helps to keep our hearts alive to what is happening globally and not just in our own backyards. We never want to be led only by the need but by the call to the need. What need is calling out to you? and what is the Lord asking you to do about it?

Thank you for answering the call Jim and Melissa .. we will not forget you or the work the Lord is doing through you and your family. Kyrygstan will never be the same because of your willingness to serve and give.

So here we are, me and the group of DTSers that I had the privelage of teaching to in Maui. we spent 7 great days together exploring the subjects of intimacy with Jesus and hearing His voice. There is nothing like seeing young people's hearts bloom in the light of God's beautifully overwhelming love for them. Its always there but when they begin to grasp the truth of who He is they have no choice but to allow Him to move freely within them or to shut Him out. These young people are hungry to know more about how the Lord can really effect their daily lives. They want to be doers of the Word rather then just readers. It was so refreshing to see and a great reminder that I love my job!!  I came home tired but spiritually rejuvinated from my time with them.
Another highlight was to be able to meet one on one  with many young men and women that have allowed me to walk with them their lives. I love it. the talking , the crying, the laughing, the praying, and the best is seeing them grow and embrace who they are.. and who the Lord created them to be. There are perks to taking time to mentors others as well..my friend Liz purchased a small suprise for  me.. only the DIAMOND edition of SCRABBLE!!! I mean how can it get better then that?!
We got to sneak some family time in as well, Bryan came for three days as we "vacationed" in our friends Shauna"s house upcountry.. His favorite place on Maui.
Kieva had a great time hanging with his friends, going to the beach, and the park and just haviing social time all day long. He actually asked me if we could stay in Maui "just until Christmas".  He really does say the darndest things.
We continue in our transition... Honolulu feels a bit more like home but I know we all still miss some parts of our lives in Maui. We believe that the Lord conitnues to woo us to missions as a family.. He is not sayiing more then that at this stage.. so we continue to serve Him through giving of ourselves on this base.
The base is going through a time of reconnecting with the simple things of relationship. We had very low numbers for the DTS and saw that the Lord may be giving us an opportunity to focus more on Him as a community duriing this season. So we have implemented a wednesday morning prayer room time where the staff are free to come and pray together for the base while we stream in the IHOP prayer room music . It has been really good, this coming wednesday we will implement a 24\1. One day of continuos prayer by us and for us. We will end this quarter with a time we are calling Consecrate. We will spend 10 days coming together for two hours each day seeking the Lords face for the base, our vision, our goals, and crying out for greater intimacy with Him .
We have seen the Lord answer many prayers for our provision.. but we continue to seek longterm steady support. We would like to be able to really focus on the task at hand instead of on the art of support raising. So please be praying for us as we try to figure this all out.
We thank God daily for what He is doing in our lives and in the lives around us. He is so worthy of our thankfulness. Maria

Freshness in Michigan!

To all you out there in Michigan or nearby.. My friend Daniel Looman will be hosting a photo show!! His photo's are not only amazing but from all around the globe. Give him a call and confirm the date, but I believe it's March 6. He's a fellow WAMer and a crazy character! Wish I could be there!

If you go tell him Maria says hi!!

Loads of YWAM work clothes

Loren and Darlene Cunningham

Last night I had the privilage to attend the" Doing Church as a Team" conference run by Wayne Corderro's church. I have to say that I was reminded what a counrty mouse I have become because I was so overwhelmed by all the lights, the camera's, camera men on the stage getting close-ups of the drummer and guitarists, the singers, the dancers.. and that was all in the first three minutes!!  Bryan and I decided we wanted to go and see Loren Cunningham ( founder of YWAM) speak. We actually heard from Loren as he sat in Chang Mai, Thailand.Technology has afforded us many awesome opportunities and this was one of them.

My family has been going through a pretty tough time of acclimating to Honolulu. I know.. I know.. many of you are trying to feel sorry for us that we moved from one  island of Hawaii to another.. and wish you could have a "hard time" here.. but I musst say that it has been uphill. We are finding it hard to find our niche, find friends, find friends for Kieva.. I thought finding a Beth Moore bible study here was going to easy but still NOTHING!! So we had just been discussing our time here in Oahu and Loren seemd to be the reminder that we so badly needed.

He talked about one verse really . John 1:6.. There came a man , sent from God, named John. He had us all say "There came a man/woman sent from God ,named ________. Then he continued to talk about the nameless faceless people with amazing God stories that are out there changing the world for the Kingdom of God. He kept repeating this idea.. that we are each sent by God. Will we go.. will we go to the buisness world, will we go to the high places of government, will we go to the low places with the poor, needy, and abandoned? Will we understand that we each have been given a destiny to fulfill and that people's lives are changed for eternity if we say "yes".

He used Joseph as an example of one who kept believing in the ways of the Lord. He then asked another question.. when we reach that place of influence.. will we use it for our glory our for God's glory? Unfortunately in the end Joseph used it for his own.. and his family paid the price in the coming generations. How will the future generations of your family be affected by your choices? What legacy will you leave behind? Will they think of you as one who followed the voice of God? Will they see that life may have ups and downs but He is forever faithful because you walked His way and they see your life before them as a spiritual map?

We know the Lord has called us to missions as a family. We know that there was a man and a woman sent from God named Bryan and Maria Daughtry. We know that there has even been a child sent from God  named Kieva Daughtry. We know that at this time we are called to be at this base in Honolulu. So we continue to ask for your prayers. We have had a hard time raising support but continue to seek the Lord for His way. Please pray that we can stay focused on the call and the caller not the hardships or disappointments. Pray that we will touch every life we are meant to here. We again say "Yes Lord" .. not only for our sakes.. but for our son's sake, For our future generations sake, and the for the sake of those around us. We may be imperfect, we may not fit the mold, but we have heard Him and there is no turning back.

Washing and Drying in Oahu

Over Christmas break we headed back to Maui to sell the rest of our things and to give up our lease on the infamous "Shack by the sea".  It was quite the adventure as we had tons of cleaning ahead of us, yard sales to plan and execute, clutter to go through and throw away... and of course friends to see.  We had so many lasts to enjoy.. last time at our favorite beach spots, last time coffee at Amy's, last time enjoying our private street , last time walking into Paia for a quick something at Manna's, last time going to Kieva's store ( the Minit stop) for Katsu Chicken, and last time driving up to the base for a one on one. We will actually have to fight for parking the next time we visit the north shore! We closed down all of our accounts, tied up so many loose ends, which we could not have done without all of our friends chipping in their helping hands, and literally worked until we were running to get on the plane!!!

When we arrived at the airport we saw a friend of a friend behind the ticket counter. I actually didn't even notice her. I was focused on being stressed about the cost of the four overweight boxes we were bringing on the plane. She recognized me first and then we began chatting.. I was telling her that I had mixed emotions about leaving Maui and thats when she noticed how overweight all of our luggage was. I actually got distracted with Kieva so Bryan took care of paying for the luggage. We said our goodbye's and  started walking toward the gates. Bryan was so excited he said "Babe.. isnt that awesome?" and I asked "What?" "She only charged us 20.00 dollars for all of that luggage!!!!" It was yet another blessing from the Lord. 

  We have been back in Oahu since the 4th and something strange happened... We began to grieve the ending of our time in Maui. I think that we all , including Kieva, thought we had gone through that process already, but it seemed to hit us all at the same time. Kieva said we had to get on the next plane to Maui and get all of our stuff back from people and tell them to bring it back to our house! I cried for three days missing my friends and the mommy community that I have left behind.. Bryan didn't say much but he was saying his own private goodbye's as well. We know that we know that the Lord has CALLED us to this place for this time and we are excited for what He has in store for us... so we continue forward in this adventure and willing say "Yes" to His ways and His timing.

  We are in the process of unpacking the ten boxes that we shipped over here. We want to paint and fix our little place up a bit.. so as soon as we have put everything in it's proper place we will post some photo's! 

The new quarter on the base officially begins tomorrow..  I will be staying with Kieva this quarter as we have decided to send him to school this coming fall. we felt that it would be best for me to help him become emotionally, mentally, and spiritually ready for kindergarden. I will still be heavily involved in ministry..  teaching here and in Maui in the DTS programs, helping facilitate worship times here on Monday mornings, and  I am hoping to be mentoring some of the young people, staff and/or student, on this base. There is a new transportation head in town! Mr. Bryan Daughtry will be watching over all the vehicles on base as well as being able to pour into some young men's lives that will be working with him. His first big job this week is to dig a deep deep hole to put up a "No Parking" sign.. woohoo for moving across the leadership ladder!! haha .. Seriously though, the base will be blessed to have him in this position as he will take on this position with humility, hard work,and care for others.

It's Aloha Day here, We will have a great celebration welcoming the students that are here for DTS  and Korean DTS. All together there are 22 students that the Lord has entrusted us with this quarter. There are three teams out in the field right now as well. Pray that as a base we will  help cultivate a lifestyle of intimacy with Jesus in their lives. We hope and pray that from that  intimate place they will become helping hands, hearts, and minds to others.

Prayer Requests

1. We have been blessed with 210.00 a month in support but are needing another 1500.00 a month

2. We have been praying for the blessing of another baby

3. Wisdom ,as to, how  do we walk out this call from the Lord,

4. For our family, that we would  continue to be bound together by His love

5.That we would be a lights in dark places

If you would care to be a part of our support team as we embark on changing lives in Oahu and across seas ;

Send support to YWAM Honolulu

                         2707 Hipawai Place

                          Honolulu, HI 96822

Checks payable to YWAM. Please include a note with your check stating whothe donation is for.All donations to YWAM Honolulu are tax deductible

Saying "Aloha from Oahu!" will still take some getting use to but we are officially residents of the "gathering place" of the Hawaiian Islands. Maybe you should come and gather with us.. we would love to have you!!!

                                                                       The Daughtry's

The garden of evil....

I am constantly intrigued by our humanity. Especially those of us who follow Christ. We are broken people who have the truth written before us.. statutes, principles, understandings.. and much of the time we dont follow those. Though we have given our life to Jesus we have a hard time trusting Him.
Trusting that a soft answer turns away wrath.. trusting that though we experience sadness, lonliness, or anxst in this world that He is good. Trusting that the best the way is to forgive and allow the restoration of Christ to heal our hearts.. instead we harbor bitterness or frustration at how things should be or should have been...
Today we go and see Holly's attacker.. in prison. The last time we saw him he was hugging family members as he was getting ready to begin serving his 8 year sentence. There was no gratification in his sentence.. just more pain that he chose actions.. that he was compulsed in such a way that has changed all our lives.. forever.
I remember him smiling on the stand.. saying he was a good samaritan that was only trying to "help" Holly.. that he was misunderstood.. that he was a good "normal" guy.. He laughed everyday of the trial with his girlfriend.. and I think that he thought and perhaps still thinks that he is normal and that he is a victim.
So now here is my heart.. so angry that he could do this.. so upset that there has been no remorse... so upset to see my best friend go through these things.. and yet I cannot turn away from the still small voice that says "forgive"
I know that forgiving someone does not mean that we sweeo what they have done under the carpet but instead that we see the horrendous debt that they have caused and that we lay that debt at God's feet and we say "take this and carry this burden" that we say they have no debt towrd us.. and the promise is that when we do that we will be restored... do I believe the promise.. I think on tuesdays and thrusdays.. but the rest of the week is a battle..
Do I desire God's restoration more then carrying the shield of bitterness and anger and anxst? I pray that I choose the Truth that has been set out before me.. I pray that the Lord can conovince me that HIs way is best.. I pray...

Immersed in a load of radical revelation

Well its been a whirlwind month and a half. My family took a step of faith and moved from Maui to Honolulu, HI. If you would have asked us 6 months ago if this was our plan we would NOT have said yes.. but the Lord knows what He has in store for us if we are willing to hear Him and be obedient. We were sad to leave our friends, YWAM Maui, our 5 minute walk to the beach, the lifestyle of Maui, etc, but we could not shake the fact that we had recieved this Macedonian call from Honolulu. It was a rough start as our kitty decided not only to throw up on the plane but roll around in it until we touched ground. A group of 5 staff picked up a family running fromk bathroom to bathroom trying to clean the kitty.. we weren't too succesful as the whole way to our new home we would get strong whiffs of cat puke....

We seemed to survive that night and ever since have been in awe of the "rightness" of us moving here. We cannot deny the peace that has invaded our life as we have launched out as a family in missions.

Bryan is working in maintenance, and has been a tremendous blessing here.. as he is a jack of all trades and will figure out what needs to be done to fix something.He is a man that is blessed with creative and artful skills. He helped the base director by laying tile in their new home and will be helping our new pastor in another tiling endeavor soon. He is getting accustomed to community life and all that that brings

Kieva has made new friends with kids on the base and loves having friends to play with all the time!!! He is loved here and thinks that all the aunties and uncles are here to play with him and love him....they do a great job at both!!

I have been immering myself in the word and in time with the Lord. as we draw closer to the beggining of this Prayer Seminar I am in awe of what the Lord is doing in my life. Once again filling me up with an insatiable hunger to spend time with Him just for the sake of His loveliness, We have 7 students as of today and are still recieiving phone calls and confirmations daily!!

The Lord let us know that this seminar was not about numbers or even big name speakers that would bring a large crowd but instead about those that have captured the understanding that more time in the presence of the Lord equals a greater Kingdom perspective. This equals out to greater love for our GOd and one another.. the first commandment. It also boils over into hearts filled with mercy and compassion, a willingness to give of ones whole self to the obedience of Christ and an eye for beauty that we cannot attain without Him.

I am excited to see what He is going to rock us a s a school and give us more radical revelation of Himself.

We serve a God that is absolutelyy amazing... a restoring, forgiving, loving, creative, wonderful God who has bent over backwards to communicate with us. I encourage you.. take some time today and bask in His presence.. there is only good thins waiting for you there!!

Load of a preschooler's clothes...

I love my son.. I mean, in itself this is an obvious statement... but I really really love him. It's as if we are going through a season of new appreciation. I love his little face.. his laugh.. his humor.. I love that he tries to be a jokester and that he is full of Joy the moment his eyes open in the morning. "The sun's up mom.. c'mon it's time to get up.. Can I have popcorn for breakfast? Do you think my show's on? MOM!!! I gotta pee.. can you get up with me please? " I love that he is a fish in water.. can skateboard and has a favorite "surf spot" Laniopoko.... I love that he greets everyone along the way of our walks through town... and that he is a man of tradition. We ALWAYS have to high five the plastic santa on the sidewalk and give him the "knuckles". We cannot miss it.. I love who the Lord has woven him together to be. I love getting butterfly kisses from him and hearing him say " Mom.. I love you!" for no other reason then to see me smile at him. I love that he loves to clean with me.. and I love when he sings worship songs while hip hop dancing... Lord .. help me to be the mom Kieva needs to bloom and shine.. for your kingdom and for your Glory.. Thank you for making him..crazy...but oh so delightful.

sweet smelling gratitude

Thank you Lord for your provision.. Thank you that when we doubt You it doesn't shake you up a bit. Thank you that you chase us with mercy and gladness. Thank you that you dream greater dreams for our life then we ever could. Thank you that when others give up on us You continue to come with Your truth, Your discipline.. and Your blessing. Thank you that You pursue.. and thank you that when we are so tired from lifes injustice, from our own imperfections, from others imperfections, and from miracles not yet happened You whisper beautiful truths in our ear....if we could only listen the first time and rest in the assurance of You .. oh how different would our lives be?! Lord.. to you be the Glory.. You take us from the ashes.. You deliver us from death, You turn our mourning into dancing....Only You.. Only You.

Load of Passion

Well . I am not doing so hot on this New Years resolution of writing on this thing once a month.. and I thought I was giving myself so much time.. ARGH!!!! but here I am once again.. Wondering.. Waiting.. Wanderlusting... (sigh)

I am wondering about passion...

I was listening to Beth Moore talk to young women in their early 20's and she asked them.. "Are you passionately pursuing the passions of your heart?" I was cleaning Kieva's playroom... micromanaging it, as my husband says... putting all the little animals with little animals, and balls with balls, and race cars with race cars when she dared to pose this question via podcast... and I stopped and said.. "Well.. not at this moment!!!!!!"

Are YOU passionately pursuing the passions of your heart? My first response is .. NO .. I am not.. When I think of passionately pursuing something I always envision myself in college.. or in SBS.. Then I think of myself as teaching, motivating others to draw as close to the Lord as possible in principle, in emotion, and in action. But am I passionately pursuing that? Man, I don't think so.. How do you balance passionate pursuit of that and being a good wife and being a good mom?

I even know some who would say that my passion should be my family... and they are.. I long to passionately love my husband in the way that I am called to.. to encourage, to respect, to help.... and to passionately love my son.. to bring him up not only in the principles of the Word but in an environment where he knows that he is loved and valued. But there is something missing in all of this..

My greatest desire still is that I would be hungry for God more then anything else in my life. Hungry to know Him intimately.. hungry to allow HIS tangible presence not only to encounter me at anytime and in anyplace but for that Presence to encounter those around me at anytime and anyplace. Am I truly passionate about that?! Sometimes I wonder.. I know there are times when I am passionate about being passionate....

So I am waiting .. again.. We say on outreach that we rush to wait.. and I feel that is what I am doing.. I am rushing to be ready and I am waiting .. waiting for the answers.. waiting on the Lord until He answers my questions about priorities, waiting to see the doors that He opens and the ones He shuts.... Waiting for His perfect timing and His timing is always interesting to me.

This year has been one of the toughest yet for our family. We continue to walk through battlegrounds that I wish not on any other person . And yet I have seen the Lord open doors to the desires of my heart this year. He says NOW.. and I say "Now?!" and then He repeats " NOW. " He continues to amaze me with His perspective... I had the privilege of speaking in the DTS here in Maui, and in a DTS in Kona, and then a for a DTS based in Oahu but outreach prepping in Kuaui.... All very radical. It's like standing beside yourself and seeing the Lord working through you and wondering if its real or not. On my flight to Kuaui I said "Lord, this has to be ALL you. I have nothing to give." in HIS perspective He knew what awaited those students and staff.. HIM. As we watched the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit bring revelationa after revelation we all stood back and said "Our God is ALWAYS on time and NEVER late" Ashes into cries of Jubilation, Mourning into dancing, Anxt into peace ... I am feeling the rumbling of change under my feet...

but again I am reminded.. no matter where I stand.. or no matter where those rumblings take our family... only passionate pursuit of Christ causes true and good fruit to be brought forth. The Wanderlust can take you anywhere but HIS presence can take us everywhere.. to places we did not even know existed...

A whole new world....

For the last month and a half I have been living in a whole new world.. It's called the Census Bureau!!!!! I was truly blessed with this job as my husband has beeen struggling to find any sort of stone or even tile work. It has been what I call " a soft landing" from the YWAM world that I am use to, and believe me I am very very thankful for that.
The first four weeks were CRAZY!!! My family was trying to adjust to me being gone.. my son would hang on my leg every morning and beg me not to leave.. and my husband was trying to figure out what his new role in this whole thing was... It has been good for all us though... it has given us better understanding of what the other is walking through all day long and I think my little son not only appreciates his time with mommy more but also loves all the beach, fishing, and fort making time that he is getting with daddy.
I continue to appreciate any of you who have supported me and my family, in the past, with YWAM or are supporting us at this time. I appreciate your hard earned dollar and all the love that goes into your support of what God is doing through me and my family at this base.
I have scaled down my responsibilities this quarter from the past quarters. The last few quarters I have had the pleasure of running two growth groups and walking alongside the young women here who are maturing and progressing in their relationships with the Lord. I am meeting with three young women who are some of the main leaders on the base and this is proving to be such a different time. Because I have had relationship with each of them for years it is so easy for us to go deep and call out the Godly potential in one another. I am blessed by these young women who are real and honest and so desiring Godly perspective.
My Census Job will end in about two or three weeks and then I am not going to know what to do with myself!!! I have one friend who continues to let me know that I need to start support raising again and that is in the forefront of my mind. I know I am called to missions.. I know the Lord has amazing things for us as a family.. and yet which step do we take first?
We are still in the middle of "transition" in our family life. I appreciate Mike Bickle and his thoughts on transition and that this "phase " can last many many years. I can truly say that I am ready for this transition to be over and for us to move forward.. whatever that means.
I believe that from this time my husband and I will be able to understand what vision the Lord has for us as a family. We are still believing that we will be in Kona soon.. but what "soon" looks like.. we are still not sure of.. Our hope is Him and knowing Him in the depths..... sometimes the cliff jump into the depths can be breathtaking and heartstopping... but we are willing to take that plunge.. Prepare us for the next part of this "transition"

Focusing on the laundry already washed

Literally I have about 10 loads of laundry that must be done by the end of this weekend. I feel like if I am not on that pile it just gets overwhelming.. and its so the same in my spiritual life. I realize that too many times I store my dirty spiritual laundry in a pile and then I bring it all up to the Lord on that one fateful day that I can't take it anymore.
I woke up tonight to talk with the Lord about so many things I didn't even know where to begin.. so I did what I have to do with 10 loads.. I started the sorting process. This "fear" in the "fear pile". Then I found some items that belonged in the "angst" pile and so on and so forth. Once it was all put into the right piles it actually did not seem as overwhelming and I felt like I could actually get through it.
Isn't it funny though, we still have to choose to pick up those baskets and take them to the machines.. load them in with the proper detergents and push the "start" button. I find that even sometimes I sort the pile and then don't pick up each basket and hand then to the Lord but instead i just keep the there until tomorrow.. when I am not so tired or not so overwhelmed by the smell.
So as i was depositing my laundry in that ever faithful machine that washes every piece of dirt away I was just thinking about how many piles of this laundry that my God has been faithful in washing and cleansing. There have been times in my life when every pile was soaked with so much stench that i am surprised there was anything redeemable there. In His laundry mat I can bring clothes that have grease stains that are too big for "spray and wash" and I can put ripped up items, and stretched out things and when I take them out of the dryer they are not only as good as new.. but they look like they were just purchased. So crisp and shiny none would ever know that there was a rip, stain, or stretch anywhere.
So as I handed my fears and angst.. as i filled that washing machine with my tears and declarations I was reminded of how faithful and He has been all these years, not only to me but to all of the friends around me.
We serve an amazing awesome God is so for us we cannot even begin to comprehend Him. He so desires for us to bring every grimy and unfix able thing in out lives and hands us back garments that are more beautiful then before. That fit better then we could ever imagine.
In the midst of it... I will keep my eyes on the prize, Jesus Christ. He has NEVER failed me nor left. He is always available to hear my thoughts, ideas, fears, laughter, hopes, dreams, and even disappointments. He ALWAYS let me trade in my perspective for His..
So though I still have about 10 loads to physically take to the laundry mat I have taken all ten loads of my spiritual life to Him.. He even put my clothes on the gentle cycle.. and already has begun to hand them back to me.. full of beautiful fragrance and cleaner then ever before.
So Lord I just say"thank you" that You are for me and not against.. I declare again that I will not hear that old voice that says that I my clothes are too dirty or beyond repair and I will keep bringing them to you and trusting that your ever faithful and gentle hand. Thank you that my spiritual clothing closet is so full of freshly washed garments..
"Where else does my help come from?"

Valentines

Thank you Kieva for being my son. I love that you can be so sick yet so funny and still so willing to laugh and have a good time.. wish we could have gotten daddy in the photos!!! Happy Valentines to us .. the sickies

Mandatory 20 year sentence

Putting my make-up on and trying desperately to find an outfit were the least of my worries as my emotions seemed to be running rampant. As I paced around my room I just kept asking myself, outloud, "What does one wear to hear another persons fate?".
After I finally got myself together I began the emotional drive to the courthouse. This was it , the moment that we had been waiting for and I was unprepared for the sadness that I was experiencing . Actual sadness for this young man.. on one hand I wanted him to spend time in jail and rehab for what he had done to my friend and then on the other I just kept thinking how he was throwing a part of his lifetime away.
Then I began pondering again the million dollar question, "What makes someone have a sick and awful compulsion to HAVE to hold and grab and touch someone thay have never met?!" He was in dark clothing that night and I truly believe that he had been stalking my friend.. waiting for the perfect moment to carry out his sick plan.
Jessica, Ruth, and myself all sat together in the courtroom trying to stay calm as we waited for the verdict. I felt my stress mounting as I sat there staring at the side of his face and the back of his head. He was somber but smiling and I could tell that he thought and hoped the verdict would be somehow in his favor.
His mother sat behind him by herself. She looked numb and tired. I cannot imagine how heart wrenching this has all been for her... I began thinking about his family and how they believed his story. They truly thought and ,think that this is all a mistake, a misunderstanding a miscalculation of events. They believe that James fell on top of Holly on accident and that she just misunderstood his help for harm. I wonder if they still believe him.
I was told that in many court cases there is first a verdict hearing and then a few months later comes the sentencing. Based on this knowledge I assumed that we would hear the verdict and then all go home.. including her attacker. I thought this process would be straight forward and take about 10 minutes.
When the judge came in he looked serious and somber. He got straight down to buisness and in about five minutes after his arrival we heard the verdict. Guilty of kidnapping. I was shocked. I thought he would be guilty of something but I thought this judge would give him a lesser offense.. because her attcker is so young. Wow was I wrong. This conviction comes with a mandatory 20 year sentence. while the judge talked my eyes stayed glued to the back of James's head. I found myself trying to see his response.
His lawyer was visibly shaken. He looked like he was going into a state of shock. Then came the next verdict. Guilty of sexual assault. This was to a lesser degree then they had charged him but can carry a five year sentence on it's own. The Judge went on to explain that he believe that Mr. Carvalho- Apo did not let Holly go until he was forced to by Jason Prior.
I saw his lawyer lean over and ask him if he was ok. He seemed to shake his head in a "yes" response to her. The Robert, holly's lawyer stood up and asked that his bail increase, from 150,000.00 that his family had already posted to 500,000.00. Robert said he feared that James would hurt himself, flee, or harm again if he was released. His lawyer asked the judge to not increase the bail since he had been "good" for the last 18 months and was trying to plan a wedding to his girlfriend!!!!!!! The judge then increased the bail by 100,000.00 dollars saying that he was not sure how James would react once it settled in that he had been convicted of these crimes.
This is when I begin to cry. I see two court bailiffs come in to guard the entrance and exit of the courtroom. It starts dawning o me that there is no way this kid is going to see freedom again for at least the next 10 to 20 years. I actually believe that I began feeling part of his anxiety that this is it.. there is no going home and getting that one last kiss from his girl, or eat that one last favorite thing.. or anything. This is it.. the time behind bars is beginning .
I cry for my friend who was horribly attacked.. and has to live with those memories for the rest of her life. I cry for his sickness that led him to delusional and sick thinking throughout this whole process. I cry for the miracle that holly is still here with us... and that it really could have been a different story written here.
There are no winners in situations like these.. I know that the word says that the Lord will make ALL things work together for the good to those that love and obey Him. I believe it and in that I can say Holly is a winner but I know that she will live with the physical wrestling of him in the past and will have days that she wrestles with the idea that this young man has changed his destiny by making an insane and degenerate choice.
Have mercy on us all ....

New thoughts in a new year

Well I thought that since one of my , unformal.. in my mind, resolutions was to write on my blog at least once a month this year that I better get started.. I have been inspired by many of my blogging friends.. and of course those friends who yell at me for not keeping in touch!!
Every year I have a fantasy that "this year" will be the year that EVERYTHING goes perfect for at least a month.. and then every year around the 18th I realize that my fantasy is fading quickly. I think it's funny that I'm 38 and I am still awaiting "perfection" here in this imperfect place. So another one of my resolutions this year is to forge forth with the dreams and with the resolutions whether perfection seems to lead or fall to the wayside.
I have also decided to begin wearing my "no complaining " bracelet that my my best friend Holly ordered for me ( and one for her) about a year and a half ago.. it's been sitting in my jewlery box waiting for a "perfect" time in my life to wear it.. hahaha . I am actually laughing out loud at myself right now. I really NEVER understood what an ideaslist and perfectionist that I am . So with this bracelet the idea is to wear it on one wrist for 21 days straight!! Everytime that I complain I have to switch it over to the other wrist and start it all over!!! Seriously, HELP ME JESUS!! So if I seem overly optimistic in times of doubt or trouble you know that not only am I spending time reading my bible and times of meditation on God's word or with the Lord BUT I am also wearing my ever so friendly purple reminder to be thankful.
I am ready to really get this idea that life is 10% circumstance and 90% attitude!
I think the big thing will be figuring out the difference between "not complaining" and "mourning".. because I do believe that it is Biblical to mourn.. and so I think my subject is about "mourning with those who mourn" and not 'complaining".
I am not sure if everyone is aware that my 100 lb, 4'11, best friend was attcked last year, while running, by a 270 lb, 5'10, local boy. We are in the middle of going through his trial right now. He slammed her body to the ground, began accosting her and dragging her toward his vehicle. We believe that his intent was to rape and kidnap her. I sat through the trial since Holly, a witness, could not be in there. It has been one of the hardest things that I have ever sat through. We actually were able to hear hear his confession. He said that he saw her and had to "hold her and touch her". SICK! Hearing his lawyer trying to say that everyone has the wrong interpretation of what happened. Hearing him say that Holly actually tripped and that he, a concerned, citizen , was dragging her behind a wall so she would not get run over by cars. .. and that the his confession was given because he was scared of the police and didnt understand his miranda rights. As a sat and listened to this I was literally shaking from the anger racing through my body!
So we are now waiting for closing arguments to happen this week and then the verdict. Please be praying for Holly.. that she would stop seeing images of him everytime she goes out for a run and pray for him, that he would understand just how sick he is so that he can get some much needed help.. and give his life over to God.
You know, I am thankful that my friend has clutched on to the Lord through all of this. He has been her rock and her refuge. So I am thankful, that my best friend is still alive.. and still as crazy, opinionated, giving, stubborn, and beautiful , as ever.

Clothes full of mar and distress

Sigh... I just got done watching video footage that average americans filmed as 9/11 was happening. It took me back to that horrible morning 7 years ago.... waking up in Nebraska.. on my way to school in Colorado.. Turning on the television just in time to see the airplane crash into the second building.. It was so unreal and so unbelievable.
Watching it this time.. knowing the outcome .. was even harder the the first time. I knew I would see faces of firemen that went into the tower right before it collapsed. I knew I would see people hanging from the side of the World Trade tower only to fall to their death. I felt their desperation at being stuck in an inferno hundreds of floors off the ground. I knew I would here the authorities tell people in tower two to go back top their offices..
I didn't know that the sound of bodies landing on the ground would be heard. I underestimated the helplessness I would feel .. again.. as I watched someone wave a flag from the top of one of the towers.. so desperate to be helped.. I wonder who he was or what was he thinking? what was his job? How important was he in the heiarchey of the World Trade center? Who is missing him today and how many lives were changed by that one loss?
Holly and I were traveling together that day.. and we discussed turning around and going to ground zero but felt that the Lord was asking us to stay on track to Colorado.
I didn't see all the footage that the average joe did because we were driving all day.. and then when we arrived to our friends house we watched and cried... but it was all past information. I spent the next three months in the mountains praying and interceding for our country and for those in Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq... etc.. We prayed for Gods intervention and perspective of this horrible horrible attack.
I didnt have T.V. access so I didn't watch the news everyday like the rest of the nation. I was not inendated with fear, or with human perspective.. and I must admit that at that time I was thankful to not be able to sit for hours and watch.
So really today was the first time I sat and watched and lived through the day....
Oh God that we would understand how precious life is.. and that you would be with every woman who lost a lover, every man who lost a lover, every child who lost a mother or a father or grandmother or grandfather. Wrap yourself around every mother who lost a son or a daughter and every father who could not rescue his child or children. Hide them under your wing and bring mercy to them...

Folding clothes with daddy

10 Things I love about you...

1. I love how you LOVE to snuggle
2. I love your compasionate heart
3. I love when you laugh from your belly
4. I love how you "daddy" our son
5. I love when you dance in our kitchen
6. I love that you watch my girly shows with me
7.I love that you rub my head everynight and apologize when you are too worn out to do it
8. I love that you shower me with words of affirmation
9.I love that you apologize quickly
10. I love falling more in love with you

new birth

it's funny how things can be birthed in our lives.. I mean I love mushrooms.. but if I think about how they are birthed and what they grow in .. well it's just not a pleasant thought.. but if I think about them sliced and diced on my steak.. or in a salad.. or on pizza I can feel warm fuzzies flooding my body!! haha.. and so the Word says that ALL things work for the good to those that love the Lord.. and so I know that no matter what state I am in or my life is in .. no matter what is surrounding me.. that He will make it all work together for the good.. and so I just want to encourage all of you out there.. that when life is just a pile of dung.. well look up to the heavens and cry out with JOY that the Lord has all things in His hands.. and that you don't have to worry about working it out.. because He will..now if I could just get rid of these hives......

Time for new detergent

It's 7:20 a.m. I am waiting for my coffee to brew and already so many things are flying through my mind. I thought that I would have heard something from the Lord but still I am waiting for answers to some very intense questions.. perhaps extremely valuable in my economy and only slightly valuable in His.. I mean isn't it funny what we strive to hear about in our lives.. do I do this or do that?, do I go here or do I go there?,and then when at our wits end.. Do I even hear You?!
I keep asking Him about this next step... and really all I hear is Him beckoning me to His presence.. and I hope that you hear the sarcasm in my voice because hearing the Lord beckoning me to be in His presence is a pretty big deal.. but I am like Kieva who, at times, only has one thing on his mind and if that is not addressed at the moment then watch out for the tantrum that is about to ensue. He will repeat his question over and over until given an answer.. even if he is sent to time out he will keep on repeating the same question.( Sigh) Until this moment I have been blaming the Irish side!!
So here I am trying to listen.. trying to hear.. trying to understand..
Waititng for the so important answers.. while He is trying to tell me the MOST important things.
I see myself longing to jump from one mountain top to another.. But I know that I would miss the green in the valley, the streams in the pastures, even the sweat trickeling down my face as I round the corner on the uphill walk to the top. And I would miss that indescribable moment when one takes that last step and looks up and around... only to be surrounded by the beauty and the vastness of God's faithfulness.

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Maria Daughtry